The 4 Intimacy Styles: The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy© (Hardcover)


(28 customer reviews)

If you’re feeling neglected in the bedroom or pressured; if you’re feeling resentful about sex, or worried about how often is “often enough”; if you’ve ever longed to reconnect with your partner sexually but haven’t known where to start–this book is for you. This book can also be a useful guide for couples who already have great sex. Getting to know how to “Round Out Your Intimacy Style” will bring your sex life to a whole new level.

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Additional information

Weight 20 oz
Dimensions 8.5 × 5.5 × 0.69 in


Page Count




28 reviews for The 4 Intimacy Styles: The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy© (Hardcover)

  1. tld_admin (verified owner)

    I learned about what Dr. Viviana Coles DMFT, LMFT, CST does when I first watched “Married at First Sight”. I began to pay close attention to Dr. Viviana’s conversations with couples, and the tools she provided to resolve conflicts. It was like an art, but in the form of conversations. She published her book called “The 4 Intimacy Styles” and I think it is crucial for every couple, or even single individuals to read this book. Oftentimes, conflict and frustration occur because we are not fully aware of the patterns of behavior that we have- as a couple or as an individual. This book helps you understand YOU, which is awesome! Because sometimes, we do not even know who we really and what we truly want when we are in different contexts of life. In addition, it helps you fully understand where your partner is coming from in terms of physical intimacy and how she/he is experiencing the relationship. When you both become more aware, you will become more understanding. The fog of judgment and contempt will slowly disappear and you can see your relationship from a new perspective.
    Your relationship should be a safe place for you. There has to be clear, gentle, and direct communication between you and your partner.
    you can find the the quiz here:
    There are Bonding, Giving, Release, and Responsive Intimacy styles. You will probably get a very high percentage on one style than the rest. Dr. Viviana Coles DMFT, LMFT, CST believes that “the healthiest intimacy style is a combination of all four, amounting to 25% of each.” And in her book, she teaches you how to get there.

  2. Paria S. (verified owner)

    Paria S.
    Los Angeles
    Yes Recommend
    Must have intimacy manual!
    This book is required reading for everyone – single, in a relationship, going through a breakup, whatever. Every individual needs this in their life to help guide them through the most difficult to talk about topic: sex and intimacy. Dr Viviana has assembled tips and advice that will literally change the way you look at intimacy FOREVER.

  3. Jacob F. (verified owner)

    Jacob F.
    Yes Recommend
    Good to start a dialogue
    My wife and I are currently in the beginning stages of the book but are loving the dialogue it is creating so far. My wife and I are very communicative and open to sex but we definitely have different intimacy styles as pointed out in this book. Dr. Viviana has shown a way to open another door of communication in regards to intimacy and not just sex with this book. I highly recommend it.

  4. Amber B. (verified owner)

    Amber B.
    Yes Recommend
    Great marriage help
    This book was an excellent help when it came to my marriage and understanding my husband and my own intimacy style. I recommend it to newly married and seasoned married couples alike!

  5. Amanda L. (verified owner)

    Amanda L.
    Yes Recommend
    So insightful!
    I really found this book to be so helpful and insightful. I read it as a single woman and I’m now in a relationship with a great man. I see it being beneficial for both chapters of my life. I even bought it for my best friend who is in a same sex relationship. She loves it too! This is such an important read.

  6. Bryan A. (verified owner)

    Bryan A.
    Yes Recommend
    Great Read, Wonderful Advice!
    My wife and I are huge fans of Dr. Viviana because of her work on MAFS. I bought the book for my wife as a Christmas present and she absolutely loves it. If you can’t have a personal session with Dr. Viviana, this is the next best thing.

  7. Amanda R. (verified owner)

    Amanda R.
    Yes Recommend
    Million Thank You’s.
    I’ve always resonated with Dr V. Watching Married at First Sight helped my marriage. Her advice was always so raw and honest. Now I have this book and it’s become the Bible for my marriage. It has so many great reference points and guidance. A fresh perspective. Thank you Dr V!!

  8. Montana S. (verified owner)

    Montana S.
    Yes Recommend
    Dr. Viviana’s book is a tremendous book. If you’re having any sort of doubts in your relationship/sex life this books for you. Almost if not all my questions and doubts were answered from reading this book. Viviana goes over and beyond with her book. I would 100/100 recommend this book to anyone. Such an amazing read, and very interesting. I found out about this book while listening to Jana Kramer’s podcast awhile back and Viviana was a guest. Well it was almost as if it were just me and her talking because she just really touched me. Thanks Viviana!

  9. Allison R. (verified owner)

    Allison R.
    Yes Recommend
    Restored emotional intimacy in my marriage
    I really love this book and it came out at a perfect time. My husband and I had just celebrated our 16 year wedding anniversary and we’re not on the same page with physical intimacy. We went through the book together and now 4 months later we are the closest we’ve ever been. It’s restored not only our physical intimacy but our emotional intimacy as well. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking to better understand their own intimacy style as well as their partners and using it to better their relationship. I have already recommend this book to my friends. Can’t say enough good things about this book!

  10. Lauren F. (verified owner)

    Lauren F.
    Yes Recommend
    Revamping Our Marriage!
    As adamant watchers of MAFS my husband and I were eager to tear into The 4 Intimacy Styles. Doctor Viv prompts conversation and uncovers a deeper understanding of one’s partner. What initially made me feel uncomfortable, highlighted where our intimacy was lacking and deeper emotional connections were needed. The book perfectly illustrates what our marriage was proficient with and what intimacy needed to be uncovered. We’re excited to continue our marital journey feeling more secure with one another!

  11. Alicia K. (verified owner)

    Alicia K.
    Yes Recommend
    Sharing the book with my husband
    In this book, Dr. Viviana has the answers to help couples understand their intimacy levels, and to learn that no one is exactly the same. I bought this book in hopes of sharing it with my husband. We read it to each other and it has created a deeper respect to our wants and needs. I would definitely love to be a regular client of Dr. Viviana. But since I don’t live in the Houston area, this book is the next best thing!!

  12. James G. (verified owner)

    James G.
    Yes Recommend
    Finally same book different pages
    First off Dr. Viviana, my wife and I would like to express our appreciation and thanks for your book. We have tried a couple of different books to help us understand what we need from each other to build a closer and stronger bond emotionally and intimately. Your book was very direct and explained easily our intimacy styles. It has helped us to recognize what we need and putting it in practice has been eye opening. We have drawn closer intimately and it has made our sexual experience tremendously better.

  13. Alex D. (verified owner)

    Alex D.
    Yes Recommend
    Insightful. Easy Read. Incredibly Valuable.
    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading and learning from Dr. Viviana’s book, The 4 Intimacy Styles. She breaks everything down into a very easy to understand format. It really is eye opening and gives you the keys to fully understand not only yourself, but your partner’s intimacy style. Putting the knowledge I learned has helped my relationship out greatly. I highly recommend reading, taking notes, and putting into practice what Dr. Viviana has put together in this very valuable book. Do yourself, your relationship, and partner a favor and get this book!

  14. Rachel L. (verified owner)

    Rachel L.
    San Antonio
    Yes Recommend
    Let’s get intimate.
    Dr. Viviana is a godsend when it comes to relationships and sex matters. Her book gives you different ways of thinking about sex and relationships and challenges you and your partner to communicate your needs and desire effectively. This book is fabulous for couples trying to grow closer or reignite that spark or for singles who are figuring out their bedroom desires. I soaked up every word and underlined most of my copy. Complete BRILLIANCE. XO

  15. Brian L. (verified owner)

    Brian L.
    Yes Recommend
    Relationship saver
    My spouse and I are reading this book together. It has sparked interesting and amazing conversation. Intimacy has changed to a positive interaction. Thank you Dr. Viviana

  16. Susanne Y. (verified owner)

    Susanne Y.
    Yes Recommend
    Intimacy Guru
    Great Book! Just picked it up and read the first 2 chapters and can’t put it down. I’ve been married almost five years and through thick and thin sickness and health our intimacy is finally getting on track thanks to Dr. Viviana and this wonderful book. You gotta get it asap!! Gotta go back to my book and read some more!!!

  17. Christine N. (verified owner)

    Christine N.
    Yes Recommend
    Great book!
    I am thoroughly enjoying The 4 Intimacy Styles. I am not completely finished, but I have learned so much about myself so far. This book has pushed me to examine a lot of my beliefs and feelings about intimacy. It is so beautifully written, and makes you feel like you are having a direct conversation with Dr. Viviana. I can’t wait to finish it, and I am eager to read Dr. Viviana’s next book!

  18. Lisa J. (verified owner)

    Lisa J.
    San Antonio
    Yes Recommend
    I am grateful for this book because anyway I can improve my chances of finding love again and staying in a long term committed relationship full of love, respect and fun is my goal.

  19. Anthony D. (verified owner)

    Anthony D.
    Yes Recommend
    Once we had our second child, it was difficult for my wife and I to reconnect in the bedroom. Dr. Viviana’s book helped us to get back in tune and find that spark again. We’ve been able to reconnect and it feels like the beginning again! I’d definitely recommend!

  20. Charlene M. (verified owner)

    Charlene M.
    North Vancouver, B.C. Canada
    Yes Recommend
    I was wanting to read her book because I absolutely love what she brings to MAFS! I am not married, or currently live with my significant other but, we have been in a relationship for close to 8 years! I found it to be very insightful and informative about how to keep our intimacy going forward. This book is definitely a must read for everyone in any romantic relationship, that want to make intimacy the forefront of their relationship! Also take the Intimacy quiz to find out your intimacy style!

  21. Nick S. (verified owner)

    Nick S.
    Yes Recommend
    This book is not only an easy read it provided very good insights into why my partner is the way that she is when it comes to intimacy. The book helped facilitate quality and good discussions with my partner about intimacy and sex and what works well for her and what doesn’t work. After reading this book and having these discussions with my partner, I definitely feel closer to her and have more appreciation for her.

  22. Lauren P. (verified owner)

    Lauren P.
    Yes Recommend
    Be sure to bring a pencil!
    I have been a fan of Dr. Viviana’s work in MAFS since she joined the experts, often taking some of her advice on the show into practice on my own, so needless to say I was excited to get my hands on “The 4 Intimacy Styles” book. I quickly discovered not only did I have work to do in finding balance in my intimacy styles, but that my husband and I had differing intimacy styles, allowing me to understand him better almost instantly. I had to stop half way through chapter 4 to get a pencil so I could take notes and mark sections as I continued reading! Her practical, tangible advice paired with relatable case studies have allowed me to do my own self searching and growth, helping me to become more aware of myself and a better wife and partner to my husband along the way. She has also helped me put into words things I was having difficulty expressing in my relationship, allowing my husband to understand me better in return. I can’t wait to share this book with others!

  23. Julia W. (verified owner)

    Julia W.
    Yes Recommend
    Learned something
    I bought this book with the hope that it might help me in my marriage as we have been struggling. It took me a long time to read this but I just finished it last night. As I was reading each of the styles I didn’t see myself. Until I got to the Responsive section. That was totally me. It helped me understand myself as well as great suggestions on what I should do. I’m going to give to my husband to read as well. I would like for him to identify himself and I will read that section again. And he may learn more about me. Thanks Dr. Viviana

  24. Dorsa S. (verified owner)

    Dorsa S.
    Fall Church
    Yes Recommend
    The map to a happy and healthy sex life
    I believe from self-awareness, comes acceptance of oneself and also our partner. In this book, Dr. Viviana breaks the stigma around sex-something that does not happen as often. She walks the readers through a tour within their sexual self. A lot of us are afraid to explore our sexual senses and because of that, we become judgmental of our partner’s sexual desires as well. This book, especially the Intimacy Styles Quiz in it, helps us identify our intimacy style first and foremost. But it also teaches us the required tools and skills that will help us navigate our sexual life as a couple. I highly recommend this book not just to couples, but also to singles and those who are even virgins! The sooner we get to know our true desires, and the sooner we gain communication skills to express those desires with no shame, the healthier our relationship will become! This book gives you all you need to explore your sexual needs and also communicate them with your partner and therefore enhance your relationship as a whole!

  25. Tammy T. (verified owner)

    Tammy T.
    Fort Worth
    Yes Recommend
    Amazing! Dr. Viviana hit the target perfectly!
    This book is spot on! I took the quiz online and determined that I was BONDING and my partner is RESPONSIVE! Dr. Viviana explained how each of our minds work and what we need to do for each other. I just texted my partner, asking him for a date on Saturday; dinner, massage and a little romp included; and he responded right away! In our 6 years together, we have never scheduled sex, but clearly this is working for him!!! Thank you!!!

  26. Kimberly B. (verified owner)

    My husband and I have been reading this together and are both feeling validated and heard. It’s like Dr. Viv is able to finally translate the words we have been saying to each other for years in a way that we can both understand. It’s really opened our eyes that there isn’t a wrong or right, we’re just different and we can now apply this understanding to help meet each other’s needs better. Highly recommend for any couple!

  27. Tamara K. (verified owner)

    Can’t Wait!
    I have just received my book and am excited to get reading and see how much I can learn and open my mind.

  28. Jessica L. (verified owner)

    In awe!
    When purchasing this book it wasn’t with the intent of fixing anything I thought was broken but more for insight on what I could do better. There’s so much information in this book that you tend to just oversee on a daily basis it really makes you stop and think about every level of intimacy and how impactful day to day changes that. I didn’t feel my relationship was in a bad place as far as intimacy went but after reading this book it took my relationship to an entire level greater than I anticipated it could ever be emotionally and physically. I am truly grateful for this book as it has allowed me to slow down and truly hear and understand my partner and his needs. And not what I thought he needed. Dr.Viviana has such a beautiful insight I really do appreciate and I know you will too!!

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