These are The 4 Intimacy Styles™: Bonding, Release, Giving, and Responsive.

Each one is valid and healthy in its own way, but in order to have a lasting physical connection, you should aim to have 25% of each style show up in all of your sexual interactions. Discovering how “Rounded Out” your own Intimacy Style is as well as that of your partner will help keep physical and emotional intimacy in your relationship for the long run.

Find Out What Your Intimacy Style is Today and Start Learning How to Have Your Best Love Life!

USEFUL TIP: Take this quiz with YOUR personal preferences in mind, and not based on your partnered experiences.

Our date went well and we are saying goodnight. I am most likely to:
Say that I really liked our time together and move in for a hug or a kiss.
Go straight in for a kiss.
Wait for any indication that they want to kiss, and then go in for one.
Just chill and see what happens.

Correct!

Wrong!

I am at a social event and see someone I am attracted to. I am most likely to:
Walk over to the person and say “Hi” and am thrilled when they smile and say "Hi" back and ask me about myself.
Tap the person on the shoulder and introduce myself.
Make eye contact and wait for the person to approach me.
Stand near them and see what happens.

Correct!

Wrong!

I am ready for my first sexual experience with a partner. I am most likely to:
Enjoy taking charge and pulling them into the bedroom but not until I know that they really like me and have shown interest in our relationship.
I will show them with a long kiss and tight embrace.
I'll make subtle gestures to show I’m ready and hope that are too.
I'll stay quiet and wait to see if my partner will make a move when they are ready.

Correct!

Wrong!

I would have to end a relationship if my partner:
Is always open to having sex but avoids sharing feelings about us after we have finished.
Avoids sexual activity altogether.
Always steers the conversation away from ever telling me what they prefer sexually.
Expects me to take the lead in most sexual activities and share my feelings about our sex life often.

Correct!

Wrong!

I am going out on a date to dinner and a movie. I am most likely to:
Initiate holding hands during the movie or be equally happy if they initiate holding hands first.
Initiate lots of playful touch during the movie.
Smile to myself every time my partner moves closer to me.
Hope my partner doesn’t expect anything from me just like I don’t expect anything from them.

Correct!

Wrong!

We want to spice up our sex life. I am most likely to:
Feel hopeful that sharing both of our ideas will bring us closer together.
Buy that toy my partner mentioned they wanted to try with me and schedule a date to use it.
Listen for any clues as to what my partner would like to try and make sure to do those things.
Look up a new position to try just in case they ever bring it up again.

Correct!

Wrong!

I am on a romantic getaway weekend. I am most likely to:
Give a few sensual massages and be equally thrilled to have moments of sharing how compatible we are.
Look for any and all opportunities to get frisky with my partner.
Plan a bunch of special bedroom activities that I think my partner would love to do.
Go with the flow and not have any expectations.

Correct!

Wrong!

I would feel most turned off by a partner who:

Doesn’t want me to initiate sexual activity and isn’t interested in initiating either.
Is selfish in bed.
Doesn’t like being the center of attention during sexual situations.
Nags me about sharing my fantasies.

Correct!

Wrong!

My ideal sexual conversation includes:
Exchanging ideas with my partner about what we can do to feel even closer during sexual activity.
Giving my partner ideas of what I like and hearing my partner say they would like to do those things for me.
Listening to my partner express their fantasies and desires so that I know how to make the most out of our sexual relationship.
Listening to my partner express their feelings without any expectation for me to share.

Correct!

Wrong!

My perfect romantic partner would understand this about me:
Having frequent physical affection in our relationship helps me to feel securely emotionally connected with them.
I love for my partner to pursue me and cater to my sexual needs.
It makes me feel good when I know I had something to do with my partner feeling good.
I am not really sexually-motivated and don’t enjoy initiating sexual activities.

Correct!

Wrong!

When I have a crush on someone I am most likely to:
Find excitement in fantasizing about how our sex life would be romantic and fulfilling forever.
Hope they show me signs that they are interested in me as well.
Find ways to show them that I’m interested that I think they’ll respond well to.
Let my friends know I am interested and hope the information reaches my crush.

Correct!

Wrong!

For me, "intimacy" means:
Having an equal exchange of open communication and very few physical boundaries with my partner.
Showing my partner how sexually pleasing they are to me.
Showing my partner that I care about them by being invested in their pleasure and feelings.
Connecting with my partner through shared experiences and quality time spent together.

Correct!

Wrong!

A cozy night in with my partner includes:
Trading off initiating fooling around on the couch while we binge watch a TV show.
Making sure that we spend most of the time aroused and sexually stimulated.
Ensuring that my partner is having a good time by planning out their favorite activities inside and outside the bedroom.
My partner would be content with just hanging out and enjoying sharing good conversation and cooking a nice meal together.

Correct!

Wrong!

I feel most turned on when:
My partner and I are able to give and take in the bedroom and share in each other's pleasure and we whisper affectionate words.
I can just lie back and know that my partner will take care of me sexually.
I can explore and touch my partner's body and can tell that they are really turned on.
I don't usually know what's going to turn me on until it is happening.

Correct!

Wrong!

My ideal sexual experience includes:
“Making love” including giving and receiving pleasure with my partner.
Taking charge and making sure my partner feel good.
Letting go of all control and receiving all the pleasure.
Low-pressure activities that don’t require a lot of effort but are satisfying to both of us.

Correct!

Wrong!

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The 4 Intimacy Styles© Quiz

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Expressing love verbally and emotionally is widely accepted as a necessity in all committed relationships. Unfortunately, The difficulty of sustaining that physical connection is rarely addressed.

Over my nearly 20 years helping with relationship issues, the vast majority of my clients have shared that keeping the sensual spark alive is what keeps them feeling satisfied with and committed to their relationships. Discovering how to Round Out your Intimacy Style will help you to gain a better understanding of your needs as well as those of your romantic partner.